How to Make Small Talk Without It Feeling Forced

How to make small talk

Making small talk gets easier once you stop expecting the first few minutes of a conversation to be particularly interesting. That is not really their job.

Small talk gives two people who do not know each other well somewhere safe to begin. You talk about the place you are in, something that happened today, your weekend, what you have been doing lately or something else that requires very little explanation. Then you see what happens.

Maybe: “Have you been here before?” leads to: “Yeah, I come here every couple of weeks. My friend works nearby.” Now you have somewhere else to go. The place can become their friend. Their friend can become work. Work can become how they know each other. Somewhere along the way, you are no longer making small talk. That is the point.

A simple small-talk conversation usually works like this: Start with something easy → notice what they give you → follow one interesting detail → contribute something too. You do not need to manufacture depth. Give it room to appear.

What is small talk, actually?

Small talk is light conversation about everyday subjects, particularly between people who do not know each other well. Dictionaries typically describe it as polite or social conversation about things that are not especially important.

That can make it sound pointless. But the subject of small talk and the purpose of small talk are two different things.

Talking about the weather may not tell you much about another person. But: “I'm so done with this rain.” can become: “Same. I wanted to go cycling this weekend.” which can become cycling, weekend plans, hobbies, travelling or anywhere else the conversation naturally goes.

Small talk gives people a low-pressure way to establish: Are we both interested in talking? You do not need to begin by asking someone about their biggest fear, childhood or purpose in life. Sometimes talking about an annoyingly slow queue is enough.

Why does small talk feel so awkward?

Small talk often becomes awkward because you're paying more attention to how you're performing than to the conversation itself. You start thinking: Was that boring? Why did I say that? What do I say next? Do they think I'm awkward? Meanwhile, the other person may be wondering exactly the same thing.

Research on first conversations has repeatedly found a liking gap: after interacting with somebody new, people tend to underestimate how much their conversation partner liked them and enjoyed their company. A 2026 study using a compiled sample of first-time interactions found the effect remained robust across its included studies and conditions.

That does not mean every conversation secretly went amazingly. It does mean your own post-conversation judgment is not necessarily a reliable scorecard. Your goal during small talk is not to make this person think I'm fascinating. A much easier goal is: give us both something easy to respond to.

1. Start with what you already share

The easiest small-talk subject is often one you do not have to invent. You're both waiting for something, attending the same event, working in the same place, sitting in the same class, hearing the same music, dealing with the same weather or looking at the same situation. Use it.

At an event: “Have you been to one of these before?” At work: “Has today been as busy for you as it has for me?” Waiting somewhere: “I think we've chosen the world's slowest line.” At a party: “How do you know everyone here?”

If starting the conversation at all is the part you struggle with, read How to Start a Conversation Without Making It Awkward.

The opening does not need to be original. It needs to make sense here.

2. Make the next answer easy

A small-talk question should not feel like homework. Start with something that can be answered without much effort: “Got anything planned this weekend?” “Have you tried the food here?” “How's your week been?” “What brought you here?”

Specific questions can be particularly useful because they give people a frame for answering. Toastmasters, for example, recommends open-ended but specific questions rather than relying entirely on broad questions such as “How are you?”

But don't become obsessed with whether a question is technically open-ended. This works perfectly well: “Have you been here before?” because: “Yeah, loads of times.” gives you: “Okay, then what should I actually order?” The best question is usually the one that creates an easy next exchange.

3. Don't make “How are you?” do all the work

There is absolutely nothing wrong with: “Hey, how are you?” People say it because it is normal. The problem comes when both people give the default response: “Good, you?” “Good.” Conversation complete.

Instead, add one degree of specificity. “How's your week been?” “How's your day going—busy?” “How've you been? Still working on that project?” Or use the normal greeting and then add something else: “Hey, how are you? Got anything good planned this weekend?” You do not have to replace normal human greetings with carefully engineered conversation lines. Just give them somewhere to go afterwards.

4. Listen for the first useful detail

This is where small talk either begins turning into a conversation or dies. You ask: “Doing anything this weekend?” They say: “I'm visiting my sister. She just moved into a new place.” There are already several threads: their sister, moving, the place and your own connection.

You could ask: “Do you see her often?” “Is she moving far?” “Did she buy somewhere or is she renting?” Or say: “Moving is awful. I swear you don't realize how much stuff you own until you have to pack.” You don't need another small-talk topic. You already found one.

This is why our previous article about conversation flow is the natural next resource: How to Keep a Conversation Going Without Forcing It.

5. Say a little more than the minimum

You cannot make good small talk alone. If someone asks: “What did you do this weekend?” and you say: “Nothing.” they now have to rebuild the conversation from scratch. You do not need to give them your life story. Give them one extra detail.

Instead of: “Nothing.” Try: “Nothing major. I finally finished the show I've been watching.” Instead of: “I worked.” Try: “Mostly worked. We're trying to finish something before Friday, so everyone's slightly losing it.” Instead of: “I stayed home.” Try: “Stayed home mostly. I tried cooking something new and completely ruined it.” Each one contains a thread.

6. Share instead of only asking

Being interested in somebody is useful. Interrogating them is not. “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “Do you like it?” “What do you do for fun?” may technically keep words moving, but it can quickly feel like an intake form.

Break the pattern by adding something of your own. “Where are you from?” “Portugal.” “I've never been, but Lisbon has been on my list forever. Are you from around there?” Now both people exist in the conversation.

A small amount of self-disclosure turns question → answer → question into question → answer → reaction → contribution → follow-up. That feels much more like an exchange.

7. Small talk topics that actually work

For small talk, the most useful topic families are usually: where you are, what is happening, the event or something you can both see; today, this week, the weekend or something coming up; easy experiences that are not particularly personal; music, movies, shows, games, books or whatever somebody is currently into; places nearby, things you like, cooking and recommendations; and where someone is from, somewhere they've visited or somewhere they want to go.

Keep it broad unless they seem interested in going deeper. “Is there anything around here that's actually worth trying?” Recommendations work particularly well because they combine opinion with experience.

For a much larger collection, read 100 Things to Talk About When You Don't Know What to Say.

If you specifically need something to ask, see 100 Small Talk Questions for Any Situation.

8. How to move beyond boring small talk

Small talk becomes frustrating when you think you are supposed to remain at the surface forever. You're not. Look for something with a little more energy.

Suppose you begin with: “Doing anything this weekend?” They say: “Going to a concert.” You could continue with another safe question: “Oh nice, where?” Nothing wrong with that. But now you can also move toward: “Who are you seeing?” then: “How did you get into them?” then: “What's the best concert you've been to?”

A useful progression is: fact → opinion → experience. Don't force every conversation deeper. Just notice when the other person gives you permission to leave the surface.

9. Small talk with someone you just met

With somebody new, give them control over how personal the conversation becomes. You might ask: “What brought you here?” They can answer: “A friend.” Very little information. Or: “My friend dragged me here because apparently I never leave the house.” Now they've voluntarily opened a more personal and playful direction. Follow their level.

Do not respond to a basic introduction with: “So why did your last relationship end?” Small talk works partly because both people can reveal themselves gradually.

If you want questions designed specifically for learning more about somebody once the conversation is moving, read 250 Questions to Get to Know Someone.

10. How to make small talk with strangers

A stranger has not agreed to a long conversation just because you said hello. That makes low-pressure openings especially useful. Start with something they can respond to without being trapped: “Do you know if this train normally runs this late?” “Have you tried anything here before?” “That's a nice jacket—where did you get it?” Then look at what happens next.

If they give a fuller answer, add something, ask you something back or appear interested in continuing, you have material. If they repeatedly give brief responses and turn their attention elsewhere, you don't need to rescue the interaction. Conversation is still mutual.

11. How to make small talk at work

Work creates endless shared context: the day, projects, meetings, deadlines, lunch, the commute, the weekend and the workplace itself. Instead of: “What do you do here?” you can often be more specific: “How did you end up working on this team?” Instead of: “Busy?” try: “Has this week been chaos for you too?”

Small talk at work is usually better when the goal is simply a pleasant exchange rather than making every interaction produce a contact, opportunity or pitch.

12. How to make small talk online

Online, you lose much of the shared physical environment that makes in-person small talk easy. So use whatever context you do have. If there is a profile, post, game, community or shared interest, start there.

If you're talking to somebody completely randomly, your immediate lives become the context: Where are you talking from? What's your day been like? What time is it there? What have you been doing today? Then use the answer.

“I'm from Sweden.” doesn't have to become: “Cool.” It can become: “What's it actually like living there?” or: “I've never been. What's somewhere there tourists completely overlook?” Because Callio is voice-first, talking to someone new can fit naturally here.

13. What should you avoid during small talk?

When you barely know somebody, avoid questions that suddenly require them to reveal private information or defend a strongly personal position. There is a difference between: “Are you enjoying your job?” and: “Exactly how much money do you make?” Or: “Have you always lived here?” and: “Why did your parents divorce?”

A better rule than memorizing forbidden topics is: Don't demand intimacy before there is intimacy. If somebody introduces a deeper subject themselves, the conversation can obviously follow it.

14. What if the small talk becomes awkward?

First, allow the possibility that nothing has gone wrong. A pause is not a disaster. If the conversation genuinely stalls, you have options: “You mentioned you're going away next month. Where are you heading?” “Completely random, but have you watched anything good recently?” “I still can't believe how packed this place is.”

Instead of demanding another answer: “I've realized I've done absolutely nothing interesting this week.” That itself can create something.

Small talk is allowed to be small. Two minutes of friendly conversation followed by: “Anyway, good talking to you.” is not a failed conversation. It may be exactly the amount of conversation the situation needed.

15. How to end small talk without making it weird

Do not wait until both people have run out of oxygen. A clean ending is easier than trying to slowly make yourself disappear. You can say: “It was nice talking to you.” “I'll let you get back to it.” “I'm going to grab something to drink—good chatting.” “I should probably go find my friend, but nice meeting you.”

At work: “I'll let you get back to your day.” Online: “I'm going to head off, but nice talking to you.” You do not need an elaborate excuse. Knowing how to leave comfortably actually makes starting less intimidating.

16. How to get better at small talk

Do not try to improve small talk by reading another fifty opening lines. Practice having short, ordinary exchanges. The next time you have an easy opportunity, add one sentence. Instead of only: “Thanks.” to someone you regularly see, add: “Has it been busy today?”

Ask a coworker what they're doing that weekend. Talk for a minute to somebody before an event begins. When someone gives you a detail, practice following it once instead of changing the subject. When somebody asks you something, practice adding one detail rather than answering with the minimum. Then leave. That's a successful rep.

There is experimental support for the idea that small interactions can go better than we expect. The aim is not to become somebody who can talk endlessly to everyone. It is to make ordinary conversation ordinary.

Small talk is supposed to lead somewhere—or nowhere

Imagine: “How's your week going?” They say: “Pretty good. I'm finally going away this weekend.” Now you're talking about the weekend. Then the destination. Then travelling. Then the worst holiday you've each had. Then missing a train in Italy. Then somehow the conversation is about food. Nobody planned any of that.

That's what good small talk does. It creates enough shared material for the conversation to stop needing small talk. And sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you talk about the weather for thirty seconds, smile, say goodbye and never speak again. That is fine too.

Small talk isn't successful only when it turns into something deep. Sometimes making an ordinary moment slightly less silent is enough.